The Uplifting Squigglies
[Originally published March 6th, 2022 via my newsletter] In the last few days I felt something that I've been craving for a long time: a little bit of giddiness and excitement for an upcoming adventure and goal. It's not like that feeling has been totally lost. It has come and gone over time in big and small ways. The past two years have been heavy, outwardly and inwardly, for many reasons. My outlook is perhaps not as rosy as it used to be, and I don't feel carefree the way I once did. In a way it is sad, like there is an old version of me that is gone. A pre-pandemic, pre-AT, pre-loss, happy-go-lucky version of me. I know I can't be the only one feeling this way; we have all been through so much on a micro and macro level in the last two years. I think that's all the more reason to cling to the things that do give us life, energy, positivity, and hope wherever we can find it.
Running has always been a way to be alone in my thoughts; to comb them out, to untangle the knots, or to just sit with them for a long time. This, in turn, can make running very uncomfortable. I don't always want to sit with my thoughts, because sometimes they turn into a broken record of unpleasant memories. Then I remember that saying, "The only way out is through." If there's something repeatedly swimming around and resurfacing in your brain, maybe it's time to look at it square in the eye and confront it, which I wrote about in last week's letter. How often do we allow ourselves time in our heads to fully think through an idea or truly feel a feeling without distraction? How can you move forward unless you let go of the things that no longer serve you?
In the same way I envision the unpleasant and negative squiggly things swirling around in my head, it's important to pay attention to the positive and uplifting squigglies too. What are the continually resurfacing ideas that spark your curiosity and creativity? What little or big dreams are pulling at you? What gets you excited and what lifts you up? Where and how can you incorporate more of that into your life?
This weekend I took my four hiking storage boxes, which have become completely disorganized, and eagerly dumped their contents out in the middle of the floor. I sorted them into three piles: what I would need for my upcoming self-supported hike, what I would sort back into the four boxes in an organized fashion (or not), and what I no longer needed and would give away.
I refined the little itinerary I made for myself, which I fully expect to go out the window once I get started, as these things tend to go.
I connected with people and organizations that know more than me to ask for tips and advice about the trail and region.
I reviewed my approach plan, from the time I step off the plane to the time I touch the sign marking one end of the trail.
I worried about all the things that could go wrong, and reminded myself to trust that I will make safe, wise decisions.
I wondered about the places I'll see, the people I'll meet, the many hours I'll spend on my feet and in my head–uncomfortable thoughts and creative epiphanies alike–and what I might learn and discover along the way.
Those are the things that make me excited. I can't wait to see how it all unfolds.
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