November Winds
Sunset from Tufts University
Every Friday afternoon after my last class, I zip upstairs to an empty classroom and enjoy pure, unadulterated creative time at the piano. It’s this feeling of freedom and relief after a week of scrambling to complete assignments, learn piano pieces, and be seemingly everywhere at once, on time. Miss Dependable.
Yesterday I looked forward to that time all day. But from the beginning to the end of the day I just didn’t feel good. Like my battery was low. My neck, shoulders, and back hurt. Earlier, I had some unexpected time to go for a run mid-day. Running always helps. It was an unseasonably warm day, not a cloud in the sky. As I ran along the Charles, the wind was whipping around like crazy. There was some kind of electricity in the air. I saw not one, but two owls fly overhead, one after the other. I’ve never seen such a thing- I thought owls were pretty solitary creatures. I felt super present, and felt like I was being seen. I’ve described this feeling before, like during a sunrise on Kungsleden. The stress that had been bubbling underneath just sort of boiled over and I let myself cry and cry.
Why was I crying? Why does my body hurt? Yes, I have a lot going on. Lately I’ve been out around 12-14 hours per day between grad school, work, and run training. It’s hard, and it’s wearing on me, but I think what I’m feeling is even more than that. It’s a super tense time in the U.S. right now with the impending election. While maybe it is obvious that tension is really high right now, I think I’m embodying that more than I’ve realized, so much that it literally hurts. For better or worse, I’m an emotional sponge. Which is maybe a good quality to have as an artist, but it’s also just… a lot.
Writing music, words, or both is a helpful and useful way to release that stress. Crying is also great. Getting outside, very helpful. Action is even better–voting! I also think about my everyday life; does what I do embody my personal values? What can I do to contribute to and make a positive ripple effect in my communities and beyond? I can’t control what others do or think, but I can focus on my own actions and output in the world.
As usual, after class yesterday, I eagerly bounded upstairs, unpacked some paper and pencil, and prepared the piano as my musical standing desk. The physical pain was actually unbearable. The room was hot and stuffy. Moments later I said “nope”, packed everything up again, and went for a walk instead. The sun was starting to set, the wind sending fallen leaves spiraling up toward the sky.
💫
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‘Til next week! ~Mercury